What to do when you can’t carry on putting on a happy face for everyone else

I wrote a post called ‘What to do when you’re feeling Meh.’ That post discussed how to move towards feeling alive again. This post, I drafted 2 years ago when it seemed everyone around me was feeling meh, and I felt alone trying to always act happy because I felt it would be too much to reveal that I felt meh too, and it only made me feel worse.

Have you ever subconsciously assigned yourself the job of being “the happy one”? Or tried to keep above everyone else’s low vibes and made it your mission to make everyone else feel better? Have you ever become so tired of the act – and tired of the vibe that you’ve just wanted to leave?

Life has got to be about being real. Not everyone can feel happy all the time- if you do, please message me your secret! Pretending to be happy for others is not going to make you happy or make them happy. Lower your expectations for yourself and for everyone else- sometimes life gets hard, and it’s normal to feel meh about it.

If you’re the type of person that gets scared of imperfection, it can make you want to escape from the unhappiness. Of course, being the happy one makes you feel like you should stay and cheer up and console but it can be to the extent of sacrificing your own happiness sometimes.

The freedom comes in accepting that you are not their Fixer. You can help, without giving yourself the job of being their Helper. Perhaps you’ve thought the solution is just to leave, because you feel trapped in your self-assigned job, and it’s exhausted you and drained you.

But the answer when life gets tough, isn’t to leave. If there’s something you can’t ‘deal with’, then the problem isn’t whatever you can’t deal with, it’s the fact you’re handling it wrong.

Let it go, you’re not in control of how they feel, or the choices they make in life. You can’t carry the world’s problems and your own. Ask for help, and trust you’ll be given it. There are others that want to help you too, and can see you struggling to hold everyone up and together.

And to be honest, it’s not fair on your friends that you aren’t being your true self, and you’re only allowing them to see one side of you. And it’s not fair on yourself to pretend that you’re ok for their sake, because it will only further damage your mental health and make you feel isolated and like no one cares. If only you could give them a chance to show how much they do care.

Friendship is about doing life together and sometimes one person is down and the other is up, sometimes you’re both down, or both up. But we should train ourselves to stick together even when our individual journeys aren’t going the same way, as that’s when we need the most support. And that’s why it’s important to seek out and maintain diverse friendships, so that you always have someone to turn to.

In essence, don’t choose to be alone because you think your friends can’t handle you having an off day (/month/year), if anything they’ll understand more!


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