Your journey is your journey. You may be thinking that you’ve taken a wrong turn somewhere and are looking back to how things used to be and wishing that you could be who you once were. But it’s impossible to go backwards. You can’t un-know the things you now know, or go back to being the way you were before all your experiences shaped you in to who you are now.
You may see how other people around you are now, and it’s especially easy to compare yourself if you shared big life experiences with those people and they turned out differently. The thing is, they’ve not shared every life experience with you, so it’s perfectly normal to be different to them.
I struggle with thinking there’s some big pre-ordained purpose to my life that I keep missing out on, by doing my own thing all the time and being so independent. But if God, or the Universe, or whatever you believe in, has some sort of ‘plan/purpose/destiny’ for me, wouldn’t they take in to account my independent personality, and spontaneous impulsivity? For there to be a plan for me, the ‘Planner’ would have to know me, and make a plan with my personality in mind. What would be the point of making a plan impossible for someone with my personality to follow?
They would know why I make the choices that I do day to day- probably more than I know the reason! Perhaps there isn’t room for disappointment at my choices, when there is true understanding of why I made them. Perhaps it’s time to stop wishing I’d done things differently, because then it wouldn’t have been me and it wouldn’t have become my journey.
And perhaps it’s time to accept where we are at in the here and now, accept the choices we’ve made that have brought us to where we are today, and accept that no matter what choices we make today and tomorrow, we won’t miss out, and it will all fit in to one big picture.