How many times do you sit amongst a group of people- a classroom, a boardroom, the family dinner table, a prayer group and not speak up? Do you think to yourself “they don’t need to hear what I think”, “people have heard it all before”, “it would just be better if I wasn’t here”?
It’s alarming, yet oddly comforting to realise that you’re not the only one. Lots of people today battle in their minds, putting themselves down and fighting their own existence.
I searched for posts tagged, “life” on tumblr, and I scrolled through dozens of pictures and quotes. Some were awesome and inspiring. But others revealed a broken heart full of disappointment and lack of fulfilment. Pictures looking over skyscrapers and the word “jump”, gifs of everything they hate about themselves, unrequited love, feeling lost and confused, feeling alone.
But we’re in this together. You don’t just need to voice the positive airy fairy stuff that’s not real to you yet. You’re allowed to feel what you feel, and think what you think. So many people with depression end up worse when they keep it all inside and carry it alone.
But you have a voice, and your heart will stay hurting and your head will stay messy until you open that mouth, and unleash your true self- even if it’s ugly right now. And if you really can’t find anyone to talk to, write in a journal. I took myself on a date last week. I drove through the autumn infused forest; took a blanket and my journal to the beach and sat watching the waves, writing out everything in my head. Then I watched the sky, and the puppies playing fetch, and then journalled more until there was nothing left to say.
Feelings and thoughts can change like the wind, it’s so important to get them out so that your heart feels heard and validated, and then you can move on- feel new feelings, get fresh perspective, and relax that mind. Once it releases all it’s tumbling thoughts, it will feel calmer: more like a lake, than the sea. Sure I got cold (because I’d lost one of my gloves) and I wanted to leave, but I gave my heart what it deserved, more than my hands, and let it speak and speak and speak.
If you use your voice, other people will use theirs too, and soon you’ll actually know the people you live your life alongside. You’ll see the real them, and as importantly, they’ll see the real you. And you deserve to be loved for the real you.
No amount of mess in your head is too much. No thought is too dark to be heard. No heart is too broken to be healed. No life is not enough to fight for. You deserve to be free.
Women struggle with this more than most: told to be a certain way, look a certain way. Watch this student acknowledge voicelessness and choose to turn that around in herself:
- 90 Days With Yeshua- Day 66: Reconciling the Banished Heart (soulfullheartblog.com)
- This Is My Story (msjadecraig.wordpress.com)
- A Friend Like You (rajesh1128.wordpress.com)