The Oxford English Dictionary defines the adjective “superfluous”
unnecessary, especially through being more than enough
I dislike the negative connotations with the word. I’ve seen it used to describe lazy people that have no useful purpose. I don’t use the word superfluous in that manner. Instead, I use it to describe something that is so brilliant, so vastly skilled and adorned with talents and dreams, that they cannot be defined by just one purpose. In that way they are more than what is required for one label. Because they can wear many labels. But it does not make one unnecessary. It makes one more valuable.
I want to redefine “superfluous”. I want it to simply mean more than enough, and make that positive, instead of deeming it now unusable, or not worth attaining.
See, I think, there’s negative connotations with being more than enough, because it is believed that you’re high maintenance, or too much effort. We often bypass something of greater value because it requires sacrifice on our part.
But I’m not one to compromise.
I’d rather be abundant with how I live: opulent. I don’t want to live in a way that settles for second best because “best” costs more. How much does the cost matter, if by buying it you gain greater experience, you love it more, treasure it, show it off, take pride in it?
I hate having things in my life that I’m ashamed of. I hate playing things down, because I don’t think they’re worth it, so why should somebody else? Or deep down, I know I’ve compromised, and I’m ashamed to reveal it. Everyone does it though. Have you ever complimented somebody on something they’re wearing? How often is the response, “Oh it was only a cheap bargain,” or, “Oh, it was in the sale”
Why is it more shameful to actually spend more, or give more?
We are valuable. And we can adorn ourselves with things of value. I learnt 2 principles when shopping:
- It’s got to make me feel expensive
- I’ve got to absolutely love it
- It’s got to be timeless.
But principles of value don’t just apply to shopping. You can make decisions according to your values. “If I do this, will I be loving well? Will I feel beautiful? Will it be fun? Am I passionate about it? Will I learn something?”
If the answer is yes, then it’s worth whatever the cost is.
And you! You’re worth the cost of somebody else. Let me explain. If you’ve got values for something, and someone is interested in pursuing you, but they don’t have those values. Would you compromise on your values? You shouldn’t, because you are worth it. You’re enough. In fact, you’re more than enough.
Men and women often have contrasting views on relationships. Men, in general have a desire for the physical first/always, (I don’t know the male psyche!). Women, in general, have the desire to be known, and loved and cared for, which then will heighten interest in the physical.
It’s a tricky balance of both parties sacrificing, yet not compromising. If a woman doesn’t feel safe and cared for, the fear instinct is to be physical, hoping they’ll return the love and affection later. That’s a compromise. If you’re offered less than love, it’s not worth the cost of sacrificing your body.
I’m not denying it goes both ways and that there are variations of opinions on what is a cost, and what isn’t. There are woman who have no qualms about getting right in there straight up. Everyone’s different. I just encourage you to look within, and really get to know what feels right to you, and what feels like you’re compromising. We are all more than enough, and we must not lower our price, or our standards. You’ll be haggling with your heart.
It’s okay to feel expensive!