Anti-Trash Talk

talkI loved learning that confrontation is because you want to save and improve your relationship. It is done with the language of love and understanding, and willingness to humbly listen. It does not include yelling, accusation, nor speaking against somebody. I used to run from conflict because I thought it was about people separating, and breaking relationship. I used to hate fighting. I still hate fighting. I’m such a pacifist!

But if you check your heart, and do it in love, it will always be productive. Confront because you’ve been hurt and want to communicate what bothered you so that it doesn’t continue. If you let the issue continue, you will put a wall up in your heart, or build resentment; but instead, by bringing it up, you have the opportunity to actually build a stronger friendship. Acquaintances don’t get to know each other well enough to actually annoy or cause pain. The deeper the friendship, the more you’ll rub in to each other. It is said, “faithful are the wounds of a friend” and “iron sharpens iron”. True friends will be real.

Some people don’t bring stuff up in hope that the issue will go away, and they’d rather not rock the boat. (That’s me, until I kick myself up the bum!)
Others don’t want to offend, so they keep it to themselves.
Others go to their friends about the problem. This is a funny one. It can be good to go to other friends for advice. But the picture implies that it’s a bad thing, because you’ve got to the point where you’re just plain annoyed at someone, and need to vent about it. So you talk about the person in the style of “Can you BE-lieve they did such and such?!” And name calling probably ensues, because it most likely makes you feel a little better.

But. None of those methods remove the issue! It’s still there! Every time you see the person! It doesn’t get you any closer to the person, it might raise issues between your friends and that person, all because talking TO them is a risk. I guess you have to look at the friend and question how much you value them in your life. And then look at the issue and question if it weighs more than your history with your friend. Is anything so big, you must disconnect?

Go on, just talk to them.




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