Eyes are the windows of our soul, the gateway to our heart. They reveal what really is going on down in the depths of who we are, even if we think we are really good at hiding. You can always tell if your friend isn’t “fine”, right?
It’s because of our eyes. They cannot lie. Scientifically, even if your brain is telling you to lie to protect yourself, your heart pumps really fast doesn’t it? Because it somehow knows its lying, and doesn’t want to get caught! I learnt that in this documentary.
I watched Desperate Housewives, usually as bonding times with my Mum, and there was an episode in the last season where Bree is sharing how she became so stoic. It reverts back to a memory of her childhood where her mother is bitter about Bree’s Dad, and teaches her in that moment to always wear a mask – “a face you wear when you don’t want people to know how you’re feeling. Bree was taught from a young age by her mother that if she hid her emotions, she’d have power over men.”
And yet, all through the show Bree struggles with hiding behind this mask of perfection. She makes a lot of messes, and loses all she gains. She looks again and again for fulfilment in love and church, but just can’t keep the mask on.
Her story is relatable to all those hoping to appear orderly and put together, because that’s the form “most easy to love”. It doesn’t require anything from someone, nor place any burden on someone if you present yourself amiably. I used to never speak up because I didn’t want to put anyone out of their way. I shared a bit about that in this post on asking for what you need.
At the end of the show, she gets fully vulnerable to her lawyer whom she fell in love with. She says, “Why do you want to be with me? You know all the ugliest details of my life. My lying, my drinking, my promiscuity…To keep saying you want me when you know how horribly flawed I am. I don’t trust you because it just doesn’t make sense.”
And he responds saying it just makes her human.
See, all she ever wanted, since she was a kid, was to be loved for who she is. She was lied to, that to reveal who you really are, gives the other person power over you. But actually, it liberates you.
Speaking truth, actually breaks the shame and the guilt and the condemnation. It can no longer hold you. When somebody is vulnerable, it releases an instinct in you to protect them. Even when it’s been the hardest thing in my life to say what I really feel or think, the times I actually do, I get met with the greatest response of love! And it’s real! Because they’re not loving who I’m pretending to be, they’re actually genuinely, loving the true me.
As humans, we’re funny. We think we can hide and pretend, and hold back the true us. But our eyes give away our lies every time.
Essentially, we want to be known, and even when everything in us is screaming in fear at the very prospect of being exposed, our eyes reveal the truth. Our eyes shine our hope in humanity. Sure people become hard hearted and bitter, and close themselves off to true human contact. But I’ve experienced moments, when I’ve been given the opportunity to look. I catch them off guard, and I hold their gaze, and even if it’s just a moment before the walls go back up, I see the truth in there. I see the hope they have.
It’s hard to break the mental pattern of acting in order to receive acceptance. It’s like we have a filter that all our choices pass through before we do them. For me, it was, “Will it change their perception of me?”
And lesson by lesson, I have learned that I am great just as I am. Yes I’m growing, and I love self development.
But if I can look in to someone’s eyes, and show them that they’re loveable just as they are, and let it fly through that window, in to the seat of their soul, then I’ll die with satisfaction. Because you haven’t really learned something, until you know it well enough to teach it to somebody else.
- Relationships and Healing from Abuse (epcrossover.wordpress.com)
- Trust (stuartwilde.com)
- Learn to live a true life (teachingsofmasters.wordpress.com)
- See With Your Heart (motivatah.com)