I’m gonna reveal some secrets of women today.
I’ve had many a deep conversation with people I’ve met- strangers that have passed across the fringes of my life, and I’ve had some of the greatest, deepest, most significant conversations with people I’ve spoken to for just an hour or less. There’s something about talking to a stranger that invites you to open up more than you might have done to even close friends in your life. There’s this essence that it’s a bubble in time. There’s a safety because you know you won’t see them again. Their opinion of you doesn’t have a chance to cripple how much you reveal because it doesn’t matter how you appear to someone you’re never going to see again. It’s an unusual concept, and probably doesn’t seem like this would be true, but experientially, it has been the reality for me time and time again. It could just be that I ask questions one doesn’t normally ask, and for some reason, people actually give me genuine answers. I love it, though. I sense the connection being formed: there becomes a weight upon the moment, and nothing else matters. Where I needed to get to, no longer seems important, because right now, a person is revealing the most precious and significant part of their heart and life to me. They’re sharing secrets, their biggest hurts and disappointments, and their sharing their wildest dreams. It is a privilege. I hold each moment close to my heart, and a special fondness remains in me for that person. I know I may never cross paths with them again, but for that moment in history, we shared something. And neither of us can be the same again.
For them, in being heard, in having their deepest feelings and dreams asked about, and shown interest in, is to feel valued. When I get asked the simple question, “How are you?” My heart is warmed. Wow, this person cares enough about me to ask me how I am. They want to know how my heart is doing, how life is treating me. That makes me feel like I matter.
And for someone to actually reveal the true answer, instead of stopping at, “Yeah I’m fine”, fills me with a sense of honour. It means I’m a trustworthy person. I’m safe. It means the person I’m talking to – even strangers – can sense that they can trust me with the deepest recesses of their heart. That’s huge. When someone tells you how they are, treat it as a privilege.
Because modern day living has taught us to keep our guard up. Fear and insecurity whisper that we should hide because the real us isn’t easy to love. That’s lies. But it’s whispered in to the ears of so many. Why should we have to protect ourselves from others? Yes, I appreciate it’s because we’ve been hurt. It is self defence to put a wall up so that you don’t get hurt again. But when you block out people because you’ve been hurt, you also block out all the good things that people can bring if you trust them.
It bothers me that women now have to discern whether a random guy that they’ve just met is a good guy or not. How are we supposed to tell? One could say that you can tell what someone is like by spending time with them. But in this fast paced society, people don’t stop at hello. Relationships are fast paced and take short cuts to try and meet this need that we all have in our hearts.
You see, we all just want to be loved.
So on a nightclub dance floor, women come dressed to the nines, hoping just to be noticed. We want to be told we are beautiful. Whether we know it already in our hearts or not, we want to be told.
Guys may approach and tell her she’s attractive, and then she’s hooked: heart open, “Yes! I’m beautiful, he thinks I’m beautiful!” I’ve heard many a time that he says he’s not looking for a relationship right now. But her heart’s already open. She’s got hope. He thinks she’s beautiful, so maybe that’s enough to change his mind. So, women think, “well if I just do this or that, then maybe he will.” And here’s the part that devastates me. Some women invite the man home. See for the woman, it’s in hope that she’ll get that consistent relationship, that person she can love and care for, and be told she’s beautiful by. But he’s not thinking that, because he’s made it clear he’s not wanting a relationship, and he just thinks she wants something brief too.
But we never do. Women, world over, whatever class, age or culture want the same thing. To be loved, eternally, for who we are, not just how we look.
I’ve found this in the hearts and minds of both men and women. Beneath it all, beneath the behaviours, attitudes, opinions, reactions, we’re all united by one thing.
We just want to be loved. We want to be seen, to be noticed, to be accepted for who we are. We want to stand out- not because we’re weird, but because we’re original, and we’re admired for it.
Men want to know that they’re powerful: that they could take on the world bare handed and come out standing. Men have an innate desire to fix what’s wrong, as do women.
All women, love to care and do what it takes to make someone feel better.
And it is my desire that men and women can treat each other kindly. To not guard against each other, but protect one another. Would it be too absurd for a man to take a woman home, just to make sure she gets there safe?
Men, can still be gentlemen. And women can still be ladies. Just because we’re in the 21st century, that doesn’t change how men and women are wired.
- How to be a chick magnet (joyoflivingfully.wordpress.com)
- Physical attractiveness is just skin deep (teatart.com)